Black and White finger nail polish

I have this 10 pg paper to do this week.... along with a whole heep of other papers and homework. It's for my creative writing class so I can basically write about what ever I want. I thought about writing about this thing that happened some years back that very few people know about. I never talk about it because I'm embarrassed and I'm ashamed. Which I shouldn't be, but I am. I'm still thinking about it though. It'd be a good outlet, but I don't know if I wanna really open up old wounds.

Anyways, I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm trying to focus on enjoying life. Sometimes I can set up so many rules for things and move so fast from thing to thing that I can forget to. But I'm going to live gratefully and love with no limits.

Smooches!

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music

My feet are SOOO cold right now!

I'm definitely supposed to be doing a paper right now. The one on that man that decided to become a woman after forever and a day. I started it Friday, the day that it was due, and punched out 2 pages in like 30 minutes. But I got sidetracked for one minute, and ended up going to sleep. 

I was gonna finish it yesterday but I ended up doing my usual "go broke with Manda B" routine and babysitting (mind you that lil girl was about to get her feelings hurt). So I set my mind on finishing it today. I didn't get outta bed till mid afternoon. Got in the shower and stayed in there for the entire "Some Kinda..." album by Dwele, did my nails, ordered food, watched the cursor blink on my paper, listened to more Dwele, hopped on fbook (of course), watched Celebrity Apprentice online, watched my cursor blink on my paper, watched tv on the actual set, texted a few people, watched the cursor blink..... all while blasting Dwele, reminiscing about Philly and thinking about dude. A royale mess. 

Oh yeah, I read that post, the last one, and yeah I feel pretty lame, but I figured I would... oh well. I figured that MAYBE if I got on my blog, I could get myself motivated to write. Hopefully this works because I still have so much stuff to do during this Spring "Break".... I have another paper to do for creative writing, 10 pgs, an exam for Introduction to Electronic Media, and one for Human Nature and the Social Order. Oh, did I mention that this paper is to be 6-8 pgs using 5 required sources against each other? 

Why?!! Why?!! Why didn't I just go to a NORMAL school?! Where they don't make you pump out all this work during your break to "earn" your scholarship? But then again, I would've only had three academic tasks to complete this break if I would've just pushed myself to finish Friday. Now look at me, finger nail polish chipped, feet cold, silent suite, and no work done. But I'm blessed and I won't continue to complain. Praise him!

Up next, Sex and the City!

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music

lubty

Living lovely!!!

Living Good!!

I was chillin listening to J. Holiday and Solange. Getting into that mood I fall into every night. That mood where all your emotions are at extremes. If I'm angry then I'm very angry, if I'm happy, I'm extremely happy.... So of course I'm always feeling so romantic at night. Because I hate negativity. And happiness is a choice, so if I had to choose between anger and happiness, it's happiness... Carrying on... My thoughts always take me to him. I try to avoid it, but you don't choose who you love and when you love them. Now I have no problem with loving him. I'm happy loving him. I just hate being vulnerable to him. Well, I don't hate it... I just need an ish load of security to accompany that vulnerability. 

While love (ugh! I feel like such a punk saying that word!!) is great, emotions are fleeting. I can't rely on our feelings for each other. Well, I'm scared to.  Those conversations that start off as nice, then make my day, then become necessary for me to feel affection from him. I don't think I'll ever stop loving him. If I was gonna, I've had my chance to many times, and vice versa. I'm convinced that we have the kind of connection that can't be broken unless we decide to do ourselves. But we also have that kind of damage that is enduring. It's hella hard to try to nurse someone's past wounds when you have those of your own. But as Manda B puts it, when you fall in love with someone, you never really stop loving them, it just reshapes itself. I'm praying our love doesn't reshape itself into some heart breaking... thing. 

But I'm working on just enjoying it. You know? Seeing it for what it is and what he is and appreciating it. Loving it. 

I bet if I read this during the daytime one day I'll feel like a punk loser dork for being so mushy and open. Oh well.

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music

Dr. Doolittle (That was the first thing that popped in my mind. lol)

I'm clearly supposed to be in class... or reading... or doing something more productive.... but I'm not. Well I'm chillin with my friend and her baby. He is SO beautiful!!! I am so blown away. This lil boy just brightens up my whole day. I need to get down to East Point to see my other friend's babies. I've been feeling like a horrible friend to her.

So I'm loving my evening degree class, Creative Writing. It's real laid back. My friend's uncle (the one over here with the baby) tried to convince me not to take it cause he said the professor was an ass. But he's cool by me. Professors don't really bother me just as long as I put into perspective the relationship between the student and instructor. I have this paper due on Friday that I haven't even started reading the book yet. A mess. It's about this 52 yr old man that decided he wants to be a woman. AFTER he was married with two kids. Foolishness to the fullest degree. It's supposed to challenge the act of gendering. But I can't make myself read and understand him. It's ridiculous.

But I think I'm finna watch movies with these crazies cause I can't even focus on this blog. LOL. A serious problem.

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music

When was 1991?

So... I'm watching Sex and the City (so much of a guilty pleasure, everyone should watch this show). And Carrie just asked a good question, relationships are about compromise right? But at which point do you recognize that the battle in compromising may not be you being stuck in your ways, but that the demand may be unreasonable and uneven. And that this compromise can sometimes become submission just disguised as compromise. I don't know. You know, when does it become recognizable whether someone is changing you or down right remodeling every thing about you? 

And this is in any relationship. Family, friends, romance..... any relationship requires compromise. You have to be willing to understand people and come to a meeting point. Especially when love creeps into the equation. In romantic relationships, is "compromise" so difficult because supposedly men and women are from different planets? I think sometimes we can think differently about things and just throw each other WAY off track... enters foolishness and uncalled for times of not speaking. Sometimes something may be SO important to one person and nonexistent to the other, so to "compromise" for it might feel ridiculous. But something's gotta give right?

I definitely think the answers to this issue are patience and communication. Something so much easier said than done, of course. Because when does patience and optimism become wearisome and just hopeless? And how do you communicate with someone that hears, but doesn't understand you? I guess that's where patience falls back into the equation. 

I guess, maybe because normally when you compromise for something it's because you're looking to reach a specific self-indulgent goal. You compromise for the person, to keep the peace and keep them happy, but really compromise is about you, about what goal you'll ultimately accomplish from it. And sometimes, just because you decide to compromise doesn't mean you'll get the thing you went in wanting. It's hard to appreciate the thing you get. Especially for me cause I want what I want, when I want it.... and that's ALL THE TIME. :) 

So I guess you see now why my title is so crazy and symbolically clueless. I never come to conclusions... well... hardly ever. I just come to crossroads. Questions. Enter the indecisiveness and hours of weighing theories against each other. But that's fine, I guess.

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music