Strange Ways

Just because I fuss at you for getting on my nerves doesn’t mean I stopped liking you,
stopped loving you,
stopped wanting you to be around.
It just means that I hope that the harder I push you,
the tighter you’ll hold me.
Closer and closer.
till it’s deathly obvious that you still love me too.
And just because I ignore your calls and messages doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be bothered,
don’t wanna talk to you,
don’t wanna hear your voice.
It just means I wanna see your name a few more times in my phone.
I wanna see the tan conversation bubble 3 more times than the green bubble.
So I can color code my feelings for you like pink and blue gendered references.
So you’ll never lose track,
so you’ll never lose sight,
so you’ll never lose grip of your handle on me.
Don’t you let go of me.
And just because I don’t hug and kiss you when I see you,
hold your hand,
put my hand on your knee,
or fill that foot and a half between us on the couch
doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be near you,
up under you,
all in your space,
soaking you up.
It just means that I’m too shy to demonstrate the physical manifestation of how I feel about you in the form of P.D.A.
and it means that when we get alone long enough to violate your space,
I’ll melt at every touch,
every kiss,
every breath into my ear.
And fall deeper for you.
Baby just because I neglected to tell you about my hanging out with that guy
doesn’t mean I’m not interested in you,
he’s better,
or I’m playing with you.
It’s just that I realize that sometimes it’s good to see my beauty from another perspective.
And the vain side of me needs to know that you’re capable of jealousy,
so I can feel like we can coincide in our territorial natures
and I can feel free to want you all to myself.
And, just because I don’t tell you everything and don’t give you everything
doesn’t mean I don’t trust you,
it means that I trust the shifty nature of bitterness all too well.
And I don’t want to lose myself in your requests and find myself demanding more of you in the future.
Just give me a kiss to understand.
And when I pull away,
hold me close, close, as close as you can
and let me feel comfortable enough to be clingy with you.
Just send a text one more time
and I’ll send you back emoticons and punctuation marks that can say what our schedules don’t permit me to say in your ear.
I never erase our conversations.
I like looking at the patterns in the colors as we coordinate together.
Our conversations pop up.
Bubbles filled with strained emotions that didn’t make it to the airwaves from screen to screen.
I just want you to know what I mean when I say, “I don’t like you anymore loser”

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music