Shoulda Coulda Woulda

It’s good to open up and talk about your problems

But talking forms five foot high sledgehammers

That break down the walls I spent countless tears building

I need my walls to keep me strong against you

But now that I’ve talked about it I feel comfortable dwelling on how much I miss you

And I feel comfortable hammering in what ifs like siding into the exterior

So when I'm outside looking in at these walls, that’s all I see;

What we could’ve been.

So I can’t get over you like I should’ve been

2 years ago.

Yeah I know sometimes its best to let it out

But I've insulated the insides of my fort

And I can’t afford to go in and readjust to the changing seasons of our romance

I heard if you let the fiber glass get on you, you’ll itch

So to avoid irritation I use cyber glass to satisfy my need to see the leaves change outside

I can sit at my world wide window and see straight through anything you post because I like to imagine that I still know you that well.

I made the mistake of opening the door to my regrets before the storm had passed

Stepped outside and started taking measurements on my shoulda, coulda,

Woulda been together if I could’ve just been good enough for you

Prolly shoulda given it up to you

Could’ve had it all if I would’ve just taken the right measurements

Something just wasn’t right

So I try to block my thoughts out by the loud construction of me rebuilding my peace of mind

Retrieve my ladder from behind

The fort and climb to levels I’ve always been too afraid to reach

This time you’re not by my side to take those steps

And it’s feeling lonely

It’s feeling scary

It’s feeling like…

I’m done trying to climb and be brave

And I’m ready to just go back into the house and comfort myself with the warmth of insecurity

And I’ll wrap myself up in it until it becomes clear to me that it’s not holding me back

Yeah, I should’ve been smart enough to keep my mouth shut

Stop trying to relate and I woulda been still convinced that I was wrapped up in a safety blanket instead

Yeah, I coulda been still fooling myself.

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music

Post Friend Deletion

I guess you’d say that we’re done

And I know I made it seem that way

Told you to never speak to me ever again

Told you you’re a physical representation of my bad karma

Updated my facebook statuses

Telling the world how id been crying for days

Knowing you were reading

Hurting

Regretting

Misery loves company

I didn’t update you though

On the fact that I still haven’t stopped crying

1 month later…they still fall

I stop what I’m doing whenever a white Vic passes

I avoid going out on weekends

I don’t know what id say to you if I saw you

Maybe id start by telling you that I don’t hate you

That I love you … so much

And that I’m grateful for you

And that I’m praying for you

And your happiness

Although I know id be a mess if I saw you happy with another

I wanna meet you all over again

Introduce myself

Get to know you

Cause right now I just don’t know why life brought it

Down

I guess you’d say that we’re done

I wanna call you and tell you all the secrets to being immortal and healing what’s been broken

But I know you’ve changed your number

If you ever happen to change your mind

My number is the same

And maybe we could go scuba diving into the depths of love

Although neither one of us know how to swim

Being in love with you makes me go dumb…yes

But at least I’m a functionally illiterate when it comes to you

No I can’t read the signs that its over

But I know the story of our tragedy by heart

Right by my heart is where all of this took its start

Until the river of love flowed its way into my ocean of troubles

Infiltrated my heart with flood alerts

But I didn’t take heed

Held my breath and bathed myself in you

And now that the heat from my bitterness is evaporating the water

I feel how cold it gets when I don’t have your waters to make me feel weightless

You’d say that we’re done

And I guess that may be true

Guess ima have to cancel the swimming lessons I scheduled for me and you

Return the floaties I bought from the reconciliation supermarket

But I’m thinking ima still keep the nose plugs I got from experience.com

Cause I’m still holding my breath hoping we’re not done.

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music