Shoulda Coulda Woulda

It’s good to open up and talk about your problems

But talking forms five foot high sledgehammers

That break down the walls I spent countless tears building

I need my walls to keep me strong against you

But now that I’ve talked about it I feel comfortable dwelling on how much I miss you

And I feel comfortable hammering in what ifs like siding into the exterior

So when I'm outside looking in at these walls, that’s all I see;

What we could’ve been.

So I can’t get over you like I should’ve been

2 years ago.

Yeah I know sometimes its best to let it out

But I've insulated the insides of my fort

And I can’t afford to go in and readjust to the changing seasons of our romance

I heard if you let the fiber glass get on you, you’ll itch

So to avoid irritation I use cyber glass to satisfy my need to see the leaves change outside

I can sit at my world wide window and see straight through anything you post because I like to imagine that I still know you that well.

I made the mistake of opening the door to my regrets before the storm had passed

Stepped outside and started taking measurements on my shoulda, coulda,

Woulda been together if I could’ve just been good enough for you

Prolly shoulda given it up to you

Could’ve had it all if I would’ve just taken the right measurements

Something just wasn’t right

So I try to block my thoughts out by the loud construction of me rebuilding my peace of mind

Retrieve my ladder from behind

The fort and climb to levels I’ve always been too afraid to reach

This time you’re not by my side to take those steps

And it’s feeling lonely

It’s feeling scary

It’s feeling like…

I’m done trying to climb and be brave

And I’m ready to just go back into the house and comfort myself with the warmth of insecurity

And I’ll wrap myself up in it until it becomes clear to me that it’s not holding me back

Yeah, I should’ve been smart enough to keep my mouth shut

Stop trying to relate and I woulda been still convinced that I was wrapped up in a safety blanket instead

Yeah, I coulda been still fooling myself.

Peace. Love. Happiness. Music